Sorry I have been absent of late, I have been battling a major germ.  Germ warfare – me against it!

The first day I came down with it I don’t remember a thing, only being comatose and sandwiched between two dogs, Lady Doodles and her best friend Ebony, guarding me until nightfall like a pair of bookends till my son got back from work. 

“Acute bronchitis,” pronounced the doc and prescribed anti biotics and steroids. He got quite cross when I made him check on his computer to make sure they didn’t clash with the HIV meds. Also when I said didn’t want his pesky steroids. Well, unless they are HIV specialist doctors they don’t always know the facts do they and we pozzers have be careful and look out for ourselves.

What a horrible germ it was, coughing till you were sick and constantly blowing one’s hooter. Luckily, in the name of economy, I’d bought an industrial size stack of kitchen rolls at a very reduced price. There are so many of them they have practically taken over the entire house and will probably outlive me at this rate, at least as far as this bloody germ is concerned!  But what I didn’t realise when I bought them was that the paper wasn’t serrated (that’s probably why it was so cheap) so you have to tear it off manually in jagged ragged bits. This way it will last even longer!

Even after constant hooter blowing 24 hours a day for two weeks I still have rolls and rolls of it left.  I will never, at my age, be able to use it all up!

If I go before it, I have given instructions to my nearest and dearest for it to be rolled out at my funeral by Lady Doodles like the Andrex advert – the last roll call!

Anyway, one good thing has come out of all this, I have finally given up smoking  and I feel much healthier, so maybe I will outlive the kitchen roll after all!



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