Woofmorn, Lady Doodles here – doggy blogger extraordinaire at your service. It’s been a while, I know. I woofologize, but Pack mistress went away and left me in dog lodgings and there was no woofi available.
Now listen up hiviners – I have some serious issues to report. Firstly, I do not approve of all this coming and going. Pack mistresses should stay put, like we have to do when being offered a treat. Aside from that, since she’s been back she’s done nothing but complain.
This is what she complains about – walking (as in putting one leg in front of the other) she says having to take me out every day is wearing her legs way.
The next complaint is that I follow her around wherever she goes like a constant shadow. That’s so she doesn’t get chance to bugger off to Holland again without telling me.
As for the dog hairs – well she shouldn’t kiss me with lip gloss on, I’ve told her a thousand times.
Then there’s the weather, she moans about having to take me out come rain or mud and that having to constantly throw sticks is giving her stick throwers elbow.
I can understand the mud, but the sticks. Sticks are my life. She pretends to be interested in them, but is she really?
You know us labradoodles are known for being high energy dogs. The trouble is I’m not sure she’s a high energy pack mistress. This leads me neatly on to my main ‘bone’ (I wish!) of contention, which is this recent article published in the Sun newspaper (the woofin’ Sun, what was she thinking – nothing obviously!) She apparently bought it to while away the hours whilst she was travelling back on the plane – sitting down I might add, so at least she got ample opportunity to rest her ageing pins.
The highly offensive headline reads – I’M SORRY FOR CREATING THE LABRADOODLE SAYS WALLY CONRAN.
Sorry? You will be woofin’ sorry mate if I get my gnashers on you – Wally by name wally by nature is obviously the case where you’re concerned.
“They look cute and fluffy, but to the man who bred the first Labradoodle they are ‘Frankenstein’s monsters.’”
Monster – moi? How very dare he!
“By creating the first labradoodle, Wally (by name and by nature) fears he has created problems by sparking the craze for designer dogs.
“I’ve done a lot of damage,” says Wally, “For every perfect labradoodle, you’re going to find a lot of crazy ones. I released a Frankenstein.”
“Unscrupulous breeders are now cashing in on the craze and turning out unstable dogs riddled with health and mental problems. Re-homing charity the Labradoodle Trust has seen a huge rise in their intake. Last year over a hundred labradoodles were abandoned or disowned.”
Well at least I haven’t been disowned (yet) but I’m sure, as Pack mistress is always telling people, there were times! And I’m not one of those trendy poo something dogs, cockapoo, peekapoo, maltipoo – although I can on a good day, depending on what she feeds me.
What do you get if you breed a cocker spaniel with a Maltese terrier – a cock teaser; sorry that’s an in joke!
“Labradoodles are big, strong and clever,” quotes one satisfied but wary owner, “and people just aren’t geared up for them. When they reach adulthood, they’re big, bouncy and need a lot of attention. You’ve got to show them who’s boss,” she advises. “Once you do, you’ve got the most fantastic dog you can think of.”
I hope PM has taken note. Mind you, she only thinks she’s the boss, she’s not really. She’s going to have to stop complaining though, especially when we’re out in public – or worse singing. Yesterday in the park she was shadow dancing and filming herself singing, ‘me and my shadow’. I am not a boxer (shadow boxer – get it?) and neither am I Bing bloody Crosby – and neither is she for that matter. Talk about re-homing. I think she needs re-homing which is a polite way in doggy terms of saying sectioning.
