January 15 2013

Resolution number one – refrain from kissing Lady Doodles after applying lip gloss otherwise end up with worse blonde moustache than all ready have.

Resolution number two – give up the theeegoreeeeeyos, Spanish for fags, plus refrain from smoking roll ups after applying lip gloss otherwise end up with strands of tobacco and bits of liquorice rolling paper stuck to lips – not attractive especially combined with doggy tash.

Resolution number three – maybe just refrain from wearing lip gloss?

Resolution number four– never get inebriated and miss taking meds – did it three times over festive period and not proud of self. Mustn’t give my old mate HIV an open window to sneak back in and become detectable again – he can sneak in through the tiniest crack you know – no pun intended.

Funny how I always think of HIV as a male. Wonder if positive males think of theirs as female? It’s probably down to me trying to speak Spanish with Luis and the confusion over what is an el (male) and what is a la (female). We have endless discussions about it – we live a very thrilling life as you can see!

Me – “So la mesa (table) is feminine, so is the kitchen and so is the bed. No surprise there then,” I sniff with feminist contempt.

“Of khorse,” Luis affirms with superior Spanish macho-ness.

“But then a hand (la mano) is feminine and (el dedo) a finger is male,” at least I didn’t say dildo! “Why’s that? That’s daft if you ask me.”

“Ees snot daft, ees Latin.”

“What a man’s willy then?” I demand rudely, “That has to be a male, surely?”

Apparently, ‘ees snot’ and a woman’s is a male. How confusing is that? And what’s even more confusing, a bottom is masculine but buttocks are feminine.

“In hinglish it heasy,” I tell Luis, “Everything is the – the table, the chair, we don’t have to give our pieces of furniture personalities or genders.”

Luis shrugs his shoulders and looks superior, “eees not confusing to the Spaneeesh or los Italianos or los francaises, only to hinglish peoples,” he smirks implying that we are all stupid.

“Well, what’s more confusing than having a bottom that doesn’t know whether it’s a male or a female?” I ask him, although it could come in handy I suppose if you swing both ways.

Resolution Five – take more Spanish lessons.

Wonder if a resolution is a male or a female – male probably as it is a command of sorts and I’ll probably never do it – especially if a man tells me to.

Resolution six – me telling self – must get back to my activist work and raise more awareness in order to combat HIV stigma.

This year’s revolution!


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