Well what can I say – it’s been a long time, but lots of things have been happening and lots of things have not been happening because I’ve been too dam dizzy as opposed to busy. I’ve been busy trying not to be dizzy. This meunieres/vertigo is an absolute bummer if you’ll pardon the expression. Couldn’t stand straight, bend over to pick up sticks for Lady Doodles, clean the house, have a shower, cook, even drive ( but don’t tell DLA) paint without hanging like grim death onto my easel.

Didn’t really mind about some of the other things (e.g. housework) but not being able to paint left me in a deep depression. The dizziness was so bad at times that on one occasion walking along my street, I had to feel my way along the walls of the houses like an abseiler. My neighbours must have thought I was drunk – and funnily enough, I don’t really drink these days, but that’s what cured me in the end. A drop of the hard stuff. The devil’s brew. I was at a friend’s wedding and people kept buying me double whiskeys. The day after, apart from having a dreadful hangover, I was cured. If only it could be the same with HIV. Just imagine.

Doctor – No need for meds anymore. I’m prescribing you a crate of Johnny Walker.

Cheers doc – HIV on the rocks.

Because I’ve been prone for great lengths of time on my blue sofa, I’ve been watching a lot of daytime (and night time) telly. Luckily I’ve had the X factor and the jungle to entertain me – or not! Actually, I’ve had it with that stupid hex factor as Luis calls it and the hungle (being Spanish he can’t pronounce the letter J. I also watched the Australian version of how to lick tin years yinger, as well as anything to do with dogs of course. Paul O’Grady advises, when a beloved dog dies, grieve for a bit then go and get another one. If only one could do the same with mums.

We are being bombarded every two minutes with over sentimental nostalgic Christmas adverts with snowflake speckled girls in red coats and time travelling snowmen. Apparently everyone is asking for tablets this Christmas – well they can have mine. I’m sick to the back teeth of them. Whilst I was incapacitated, everything decided to break – my tefyl actifry and you know I can’t live without my chips. The car brakes stopped breaking. My toilet stopped flushing – but luckily packman (Lord Smudgers dad) helped me to fix it. I now know the workings of the flushing toilet and am conversant with toilet related plumbing terms such as ball valve washers, not to mention the draw off cock washer. Not many women can say that – and if they do they should be careful when and where they do.


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